For example, if your results were: 10 aís, 12 bís, 5 cís, 13 dís, 4 eís, and 6 fís your percentage breakdown is as follows: 20% P.C., 24% Hedonist, 10% Academic, 26% Misanthropic, 8% Slacker, and 12% Artsy.
A P.C. Obie cares about the world around them. And the world around everyone else. And we mean everyone. You are obsessive and neurotic, prone to taking extremist positions, and extremely good at making enemies. If thereís a cause, itís yours. It doesnít matter what it is, save the lesbian nazi whales. Go ahead, itís what you do. Sure it couldnít hurt if once in a while you stopped to actually think things through before randomly protesting any event, but it wouldnít look good on your resume if you displayed any common sense.
A Hedonist Obie loves the good life: sex, drugs, and rockíníroll. If you didnít live in a co-op at Oberlin, youíd live in a frat house at any random university. In fact the only reason youíre here and not there, is probably because your parents had enough money to let you go to a school where the beer in the kegs is of half-way decent quality. Unfortunately they didnít realize that youíd blow that same money on random snortable substances (including powered sugar- you probably couldnít tell real coke if it bit you in the ass). They also didnít figure on you trying to bed every blonde with a double digit IQ and a C-cup (and believe me in your crowd, there are plenty around), but itís okay, go ahead. Itís just a question of which STD gets to you first.
An Academic Obie actually came here to learn. As in books and class. Silly you. While you slave away at your multivariable calculus and neuroanatomy the rest of us are learning something about life. So itís Oberlinís version of life, but itís better than the walls of your dorm room. While youíre recovering from that hernia you got while trying to lift your Con law text book, think about this: youíre young, youíre smart, you may win a Nobel prize someday, but are you having fun? Do you have any stories worth telling your grandchildren (supposing you ever get laid)? Weíre not counting tales of the A+ you got in Quantum Kinetics. But donít listen to us. Turn in early tonight. Big test tomorrow.
A Misanthropic Obie is bitter, cynical, and well, just sort of hates the world and life in general. Days are spent playing pool in Noahís basement. Nights are spent bitching with other misanthropes in the Feve. WhateverÖ itís your call (not to mention your catch phrase). Just remember this: all that time that you sit around bitching about how your friends have changed, and how everyoneís trying to dick you over can actually be spent doing something worthwhile or maybe even enjoying yourself. Now thatís a concept. So drink your coffee, read your poetry (which, by the way is terrible), listen to your depressing music, and wear black. WhateverÖ
A Slacker Obie lives the life of luxury. Well, that is to say they donít do a damn thing. Except maybe role-play occasionally. Days are spent sleeping in the comfort of sheets that havenít been washed in five months. Nights are spent in the comfort of friends that havenít washed in five months. Slackers, hereís a hint: if they put your name on a table at Campus, you need serious help. At that point monks that have been dead for five hundred years have more of a life than you do. Get yourself cleaned up (shave, brush the cigarette ash from your clothing). Put in an appearance at Stevenson and suffer with the rest of us. Maybe after dinner, you might want to think about doing some work- after all 4:30 the last day of reading period comes up awfully fast (weíd say something about not holding our breath, but letís face it- when was the last time you showered?). Your parents did send you here w/ the thought that maybe someday youíd leave.
An Artsy Obie believes in Ďexperiencing life to the fullest.í Hours upon hours are poured into practicing, editing, rehearsing, in the hope that in work of art greatness will be realized. Well guess what? No one gives a flying fuck (or suitable expletive of your choice). Your nineteen hour long Japanese Kabuke translation of Romeo and Juliet arouses absolutely no interest and probably isnít art. Letís face it the only reason you do most of this shit anyway is so that you actually will have something to talk about at your high school reunion. Look, weíre not saying that art is badÖ weíre just hoping that you realize your art is bad. If you want to spend your life working on this, fine. But donít expect us to be impressed by something that we both know is crap. Call us if you can ever really tell yourself that what youíre doing is art. And even then you donít have to spend every minute talking about it.