What Kind of Obie Are You? An Oberlin Personality Survey

Compiled by Anil Murjani and Heather Van Aelst

Home: Writings: Personality Survey

Note:This is the original summer of 1997 version of this survey. I think there were some minor changes made later on. For now, at least, I plan on keeping this original version as a pretty plain page (i.e. so that to take it you actually need paper and pencil). If I get the time and energy, I might edit/update it and try to set it up so that you can actually take the survey right on the page.

It is held that all Obies are unique individuals. We are here to prove this wrong. In truth, all Obies can be broken down into a composite of one or more of the following categories: Slacker Obies, Academic Obies, PC Obies, Misanthropic Obies, Hedonist Obies, and Artsy Obies.

This includes you.

Take the following test to find out where you fall:

  1. Why did you come to Oberlin?
    1. I believed them when they said one person could change the world.
    2. I was attracted to the idea of the cooperative life style.
    3. It has one of the top academic programs for small liberal arts schools.
    4. They tried to scare me off- they failed.
    5. They let me in.
    6. I wanted to experience college with every fiber of my being.

  2. If Oberlin disappeared in a puff of logic what school would you turn to?
    1. Reed
    2. Penn State
    3. Harvard
    4. Cornell
    5. Wherever my parents told me to go
    6. New York University

  3. If you could be a piece of furniture what would you be?
    1. lawn chair
    2. bed
    3. desk
    4. bar stool
    5. hammock
    6. armoire

  4. You have an assignment that is due in two weeks at 4:30pm on a Friday. When do you hand it in?
    1. 4:30pm on Friday.
    2. After I recover from Thursday’s hangover.
    3. 12:00pm on Friday.
    4. I don't.
    5. 4:30pm the last day of reading period.
    6. When I'm properly inspired.

  5. If I had to read a book, it would be:
    1. Savage Inequalities, Jonathan Kozol
    2. The Stand, Stephen King
    3. The Prince, Machiavelli
    4. 1984, George Orwell
    5. Catcher in the Rye, J.D. Salinger
    6. Atlas Shrugged, Ayn Rand

  6. My favorite TV show is:
    1. Touched by an Angel
    2. The Real World
    3. Masterpiece Theater
    4. X-files
    5. Mystery Science Theater 3000
    6. The South Bank Show

  7. What music do you study to?
    1. Fugees anything 80’s
    2. anything classical
    3. industrial
    4. I don’t study
    5. Enya

  8. What building in Oberlin would you most like to blow up?
    1. Kettering
    2. Cox
    3. the Feve
    4. It can all go as far as I’m concerned
    5. Mudd
    6. Why would anyone want to do such a horrible, horrible thing?

  9. What sounds like the best EXCO?
    1. Interracial lesbian animal rights literature
    2. Beer appreciation
    3. Speed reading
    4. The fine art of demolitions
    5. Underwater basket weaving
    6. Cultural Gestalt in a post-modernist, pre-millennial dionysian society

  10. Who is your favorite super-hero?
    1. Captain Planet
    2. Spiderman
    3. Superman
    4. The Maxx
    5. The Tick
    6. Wonder Woman

  11. You have the chance to save one item from a burning building—what would it be?
    1. the dog
    2. the wine
    3. the books
    4. anything but the people
    5. I think I’m gonna go lie down for a second.
    6. the music

  12. Who is your favorite Oberlin professor?
    1. Needham, English
    2. Di Cenzo, History
    3. Luck, Biology
    4. McInerney, Philosophy
    5. Schiff, Politics
    6. Armitage, Theater

  13. If you could live in any time in any place, when and where would it be?
    1. right now, in the Amazon rainforests
    2. Rome, under Nero
    3. Mudd, 24-7
    4. Detroit, 1980
    5. in the future, anywhere the work is totally automated
    6. the Renaissance, in Florence

  14. What is your favorite place to eat in Oberlin?
    1. in a co-op, preferably Harkness
    2. the ‘Sco
    3. my room
    4. Dascomb
    5. Campus
    6. the Feve

  15. What is your favorite place to party in Oberlin?
    1. Third World House
    2. Banana House
    3. I don’t party
    4. Slack/Crack/Goth/European Heritage House
    5. my room
    6. the Arb

  16. My favorite fairy tale is:
    1. Paper Bag Princess
    2. Sleeping Beauty
    3. The Three Little Pigs
    4. Hansel and Gretel
    5. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves
    6. Beauty and the Beast

  17. What is your favorite animal?
    1. How do expect me to pick a favorite? They’re all beautiful in their own ways.
    2. a queen bee
    3. cat a
    4. bunny
    5. dog
    6. peacock

  18. Tastes great or less filling?
    1. less filling
    2. tastes great
    3. beer?
    4. yes
    5. I don’t drink Bud
    6. Chardonnay

  19. What one dorm would you get rid of on campus?
    1. Zeke
    2. East
    3. any co-op
    4. Harkness
    5. you mean this isn’t the only one?
    6. ‘Scomb

  20. If you were kidnapped by a deranged Harkie and s/he told you that s/he’d let you go if you sacrificed a limb, what would you do?
    1. I think that it’s wrong to discriminate against Harkies like that. I protest this question.
    2. As long as they left my penis alone, I wouldn’t care.
    3. I’d try to talk him/her into letting me go peacefully.
    4. I give him/her directions to a prof’s house and tell him/her that there are four good ones there s/he can have.
    5. I’d give up my head. I don’t use it anyway.
    6. I’d give them all up. I need to suffer. 21.

  21. If you had to die how would you go?
    1. Standing in front of the bulldozers, protesting the destruction.
    2. Overdose.
    3. Peacefully, surrounded by friends and relatives.
    4. After I’ve killed everyone else.
    5. In bed.
    6. Suffering. I need to suffer.

  22. If you had your own net site what would the address be?
    1. www.save_the_world.com
    2. www.sex.is.my.addiction.com
    3. www.nobelprize.com
    4. www.die.die.die.com
    5. www.com
    6. I don’t use computers. They’re dehumanizing.

  23. What is most important to you?
    1. Everything
    2. Beer. Sex. Drugs. Beer. Sex. Beer.
    3. grades
    4. nothing
    5. I am
    6. catharsis

  24. Your personal motto is:
    1. Peace on Earth
    2. The shortest distance between two beds is a blonde.
    3. Carpe Diem.
    4. I wanna kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!
    5. Live long and prosper
    6. Schade dass die Natur nur einen Mensch aus dir schuf, Denn zum w(rdigen Mann war und zum Schelmen der Stoff.

  25. Your favorite Christmas Carol is:
    1. Joy to the World
    2. Auld lang syne
    3. Silent Night
    4. I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
    5. Jingle Bells
    6. Hark the Herald Angels Sing

  26. What are you doing at 9:00pm Sunday night?
    1. Collecting signatures for a petition
    2. You mean who am I doing?
    3. Studying
    4. Watching X-Files
    5. Waking up, going to breakfast
    6. Practice, practice, practice

  27. What is your drug of choice?
    1. none of them
    2. all of them
    3. caffeine
    4. whatever will kill me the fastest
    5. whatever’s in my hand
    6. I get high on life. Or ecstasy.

  28. Your preferred sexual encounter:
    1. An orgy with one person from every race, religion, creed, and sexual orientation
    2. Whatever you’ve got
    3. Sex? Baaaaaa
    4. As long as I don’t have to move…
    5. If it involves strawberry flavored body paint, I’m in

  29. Safer Sex Night- what do you wear?
    1. Fig leaves
    2. Toga
    3. What’s Safer Sex Night?
    4. Someone else’s skin
    5. I don’t bother to get dressed
    6. Strawberry flavored body paint

  30. Who’s the best fuck on campus?
    1. they’re all equally good
    2. I’ll let you know when I’m done—I’m almost there
    3. Sex? I am
    4. As long as I don’t have to move…
    5. It’s not a contest—I do it for the experience

  31. You sleep through your final. Your excuse to the professor is:
    1. I was protesting the fact that the test was printed on non acid-free paper
    2. Well, my girl/boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed…
    3. I don’t sleep through tests
    4. I slept through my test
    5. You should be used to it by now…
    6. Sleep was the answer

  32. What is your ideal winter term?
    1. an unpaid internship at Greenpeace
    2. an unpaid internship at Sam Adams
    3. an unpaid internship at the UN
    4. an unpaid internship at the NRA
    5. an unpaid internship at home
    6. an unpaid internship at the NEA

  33. Who’s your favorite film director?
    1. Tim Robbins
    2. Woody Allen
    3. Orson Welles
    4. Quentin Tarantino
    5. Sam Raimi
    6. Ingmar Bergman

  34. What do you wear to Drag Ball?
    1. Hemp
    2. Nothing
    3. Drag Ball?
    4. Black leather
    5. That’s all the way in Wilder, man…
    6. Make-up and bedsprings

  35. The best place on campus to have sex is:
    1. Harkness
    2. where am I now?
    3. Sex?
    4. the front lawn of Cox
    5. my floor
    6. on stage

  36. You’re a trustee. The first thing you do is…
    1. Establish a committee to establish a council to investigate multicultural recruiting in high schools
    2. Make Safer Sex Night a weekly event
    3. Expand Mudd
    4. Urinate off the top of Wilder
    5. How’d I get to be a trustee?
    6. Murals. Lots of murals.

  37. The number of Obies it takes to screw in a light bulb is:
    1. We’re all equally capable of screwing in the light bulb.
    2. It’s not the light bulb you should be screwing.
    3. None. I’ll read by the light of my computer screen.
    4. 42
    5. I don’t have the energy. I’ll sit in the dark.
    6. The dark is more conducive to the atmosphere.

  38. Boxers or briefs?
    1. Both. I don’t discriminate.
    2. briefs
    3. boxers
    4. What kind of question is that? Fuck you.
    5. Whatever’s closest to the bed
    6. I don’t wear underwear.

  39. What’s your sign?
    1. Peace
    2. Neon
    3. pi
    4. Beware of Attack Frog
    5. Stop
    6. Libra

  40. What’s your favorite comic strip?
    1. Family Circle
    2. Garfield
    3. Doonesbury
    4. Far Side
    5. Dilbert
    6. Calvin and Hobbes

  41. When do you go to bed?
    1. I will not sleep until social inequality had ended.
    2. heh heh heh
    3. 10pm
    4. 2am or whenever they kick me out of the Feve
    5. Sunrise
    6. 2:34:56

  42. What’s your favorite number?
    1. 3
    2. 69
    3. 100
    4. 666
    5. 23
    6. 13

  43. What do you do when you walk through the middle of Tappan square?
    1. I play with the squirrels
    2. I step on the plaque. It’s a fun curse to remove.
    3. I avoid the plaque. I refuse to take the chance.
    4. I step on the plaque. Who cares?
    5. I haven’t been in the middle of Tappan Square since my freshman year.
    6. I strip naked and romp through the grass.

  44. Which came first: the Chicken or the Egg?
    1. The chicken and the egg are equally special.
    2. chicken
    3. egg
    4. Neither, I came first.
    5. Who cares?
    6. The egg was the chicken’s idea for more chickens.

  45. If you were stranded on a desert island, what question would you want me to ask you?
    1. How can I help you?
    2. If you could have one person with you, who would it be?
    3. If you could have three books with you, what would they be?
    4. Just leave me to die in peace.
    5. You wanna go to Campus?
    6. If you were stranded on a desert island, what question would you want me to ask you?

  46. You’re a bartender. Who would you want to walk into your bar?
    1. a priest, a rabbi, and a minister
    2. William Shatner
    3. a cloned sheep
    4. a llama dressed as Dolly Parton
    5. a grasshopper named Steve
    6. the cast of Show Boat

  47. You’re stuck in an elevator with a supermodel of your choice. Who’s the lucky person?
    1. Twiggy
    2. Only one?
    3. Supermodel?
    4. Grrr…
    5. doesn’t matter, I’ll take what I can get
    6. As long as s/he’s naked, I don’t care.

  48. You have a high powered rifle and a time machine. Who do you take out?
    1. Hitler
    2. Nancy Dye
    3. Stalin
    4. heh heh heh
    5. my parents
    6. Jesse Helms

  49. You convince Oberlin to give you $1000 for an art project. What do you drape off of Mudd?
    1. a picture of the world
    2. myself
    3. my G.P.A., in big bold print
    4. the administration
    5. $1000? Cool…
    6. That’s been done before. Why bother? 50.

  50. What do you think of this test?
    1. It was rude, offensive, and not politically correct.
    2. I need a drink.
    3. Is there a curve?
    4. Bite me.
    5. I stopped reading it 40 questions ago.
    6. It would have been a waste of paper except for my doodling.


Now add up the number of a’s, b’s, etc. Double each value. They’ll tell you what percentage you are of each Obie type. Read on to match the letters to types and find out just what kind of Obie you are.

Calculate your results

Updated: 8/30/2000